Saturday, December 04, 2004
Thanks for the heads up, Tommy
Tommy Thompson resigned his cabinet post as secretary of health and welfare with a good news/bad news joke - the bad news is that he has issued a dire warning of a flu pandemic and massive poisoning of our food supply by terrorists - the good news is that he's resigning.
Uh, we all appreciate the warning, Tommy, but I have to ask, "what in the hell were you doing the last four years?" I thought you were supposed to fix problems like that and not just pass along a heads up to us poor slobs out in Redland, you may have been too busy presiding over the loss of health care for 5 million people, a flu vaccine shortage, and a new medicare program to increase the benefits to the pharmacuetical companies, a small but suffering class of constituents, desperately in need of relief from the paltry profit they've been making from the hardhearted consumers who begrudge paying 10. a pop for a pill, but I wish you had found the time to work on this massive food poisoning thing - forget the flu pandemic, we know how you handled that problem this year...
So what about the food poisoning situation? In the news conference Tommy Boy mentioned that he was "surprised" that it hadn't happened already, and in fact, that thought kept him up at night, worrying. If he had let us know, we could all have been up all night worrying with him - maybe call each other, or instant message each other, or stand around together the next day comiserating on our lack of sleep. No, the good and faithful servant of the people kept this news all to himself and has been suffering in silence all these years.
Secretary Thompson found it incredible that the terrorists hadn't thought to do this, since we get a lot of our food from the Middle East region (which surprised me, since it never occurred to me that they were shipping food in those tankers) and according to Thompson it would be so easy for them to do. It seems that now he's turned into a regular "Hints from Heloise" kind of guy, sort of a "Tips from Tommy" for terrorists. The New York Times will probably give him a column.
Uh, we all appreciate the warning, Tommy, but I have to ask, "what in the hell were you doing the last four years?" I thought you were supposed to fix problems like that and not just pass along a heads up to us poor slobs out in Redland, you may have been too busy presiding over the loss of health care for 5 million people, a flu vaccine shortage, and a new medicare program to increase the benefits to the pharmacuetical companies, a small but suffering class of constituents, desperately in need of relief from the paltry profit they've been making from the hardhearted consumers who begrudge paying 10. a pop for a pill, but I wish you had found the time to work on this massive food poisoning thing - forget the flu pandemic, we know how you handled that problem this year...
So what about the food poisoning situation? In the news conference Tommy Boy mentioned that he was "surprised" that it hadn't happened already, and in fact, that thought kept him up at night, worrying. If he had let us know, we could all have been up all night worrying with him - maybe call each other, or instant message each other, or stand around together the next day comiserating on our lack of sleep. No, the good and faithful servant of the people kept this news all to himself and has been suffering in silence all these years.
Secretary Thompson found it incredible that the terrorists hadn't thought to do this, since we get a lot of our food from the Middle East region (which surprised me, since it never occurred to me that they were shipping food in those tankers) and according to Thompson it would be so easy for them to do. It seems that now he's turned into a regular "Hints from Heloise" kind of guy, sort of a "Tips from Tommy" for terrorists. The New York Times will probably give him a column.
